Ernest Smith

We are in the fourth posting of a 5-part blog series on how to have a successful marriage.  I am writing this blog, not as one who has figured it all out, but rather one who has learned some things over the last 8 years of marriage and thought I would share those with any who want to read.

For the previous tips to a successful marriage or relationship, go here…tip #1, tip #2, and tip #3.

The fourth tip is one that I have learned over the last few years.  I woke up one day and the Lord challenged me with a question to ask myself and that question is tip #4…Wake Up Every Day and Ask “How Can I Serve My Spouse?”

I believe it was when my wife was pregnant with our first child, Wyatt Daniel, that I learned this principle.  Sara had been sick for the first 17 weeks of the pregnancy and it was difficult for her to function in a normal capacity, as you can imagine.

A few weeks into the sickness my lack of empathy was really wearing her down.  (Side note: if you don’t know, I have little to no empathy…especially when someone is sick, except me of course J) I was expecting her to continue doing all the stuff she had pretty much always done in our marriage, even though she was leaning over a toilet most of the
day.

I didn’t realize until that moment how much Sara actually did around the house.  She does the laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, cleans the bathrooms and pretty much  everything else.  The only thing I can claim is taking out the trash, most of the time.

During those 17 weeks, all of those chores were taxing on Sara and I had to learn to step up my serving.  It was during that period that I learned to ask the question, “How Can I Serve Sara?”  I asked this question daily and it allowed me to gain a greater love for her by simply knowing all that she had done for me over the years, as well as a greater drive to just let her know everything is taken care of.

I have found over the years that when I stop serving my wife, I stop showing her love and respect.  I have found that when I stop being willing to  put her needs above my own, I complain more, I am irritated more and I am simply more difficult to live with.

Sara and I are now pregnant with our second child and the lesson that God taught me during our first pregnancy is being challenged during this one.  Not that I don’t ask this question when we are not pregnant, but it becomes more obvious when we are.

Am I going to serve her?  Am I going to show her I love her by cleaning up the house and putting away the clothes?  Am I going to serve her by putting her needs, her emotions, and her desires above my own?

Only time will tell, but I know that tomorrow I will focus on asking the question “How Can I Serve Sara?”